I laughed out loud when I saw this. Click to open:-
All that money and Declan Boyle has no life. I'm sure he prefers to be rich and miserable.
Declan Boyle, former head of the Landlords Association, sits munching his sandwiches in the squalor of his rusty white van. It captures his moral decrepitude. I wonder is he still cruising the Holyland at night in his black Merc or 4 wheel drive?
I bet he still listens to the Bay City Rollers. He probably wanks to their videos.
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43 comments:
I wish I could take the credit for this one. There's more than one satirist dealing with the Holyland. You couldn't make it up and if you don't laugh you'll cry.
You think with the amount of money that man has that he could afford something a bit better. Maybe hes trying to give people who don't know him the impression that hes a builder and not a landlord with £x millions of houses in the Holylands. Sometimes see him and a certain landlord who has an office on Uni Ave having tea at Maggie Mays on a Friday afternoon...wonder what they talk about
They're probably discussing what community they're gonna finish off next now they've wiped out the Holylands. Maybe they're chatting about The CCTV they're gonna put in so they can watch their tenants go apeshit while the cops stand and watch and do fuck all. David Farrell thinks
"CCTV's the answer!!! Now we'll get all this shit sorted and I'll get a cushy job and an office in the new Chinese Centre!!! And I'll be on the TV and Radio all the time!!!!!"
Not if he's giving out landlords' addresses on live radio he's not.
Apparently Declan's house in that street I will not name is a great big bunker and as ugly as fuck. I don't doubt he'll turn one of his panic rooms into a control centre and line the walls with monitors so he can watch CCTV footage 24 hours a day. He'll probably sleep in there. Fuck knows he has little use for the wife. He's never home. Maybe he'll put speakers in the Holyland so he can bark orders at the ten remaining residents like Orwell's Big Brother.
Somebody's feeling wound up. I wonder who?
its david bowie
stop stealing my act
you aint not no match for me john
i agree
alans always on a big needtoplease binge
down with him and his!
him and his is highly horrible
it is the holylands
i am alone
time passes
i write my blog
time passes
i am a dick
i am alone
make sense who may
nice to see the mad chopper still has a sense of humour.
I take a break for one day and all five comments pour into my inbox like a stream of consciousness. Someone's lost it. Answering your own comments before they've even been posted and then answering the answers before anything has been..............................
I got dizzy thinking about that.
the time has cum said the residents to talk of many things,
of drink and fights and sexual attacks,
of ravages of rings,
and why carmel loves the bot,
and whether alan has wings,
so he can fook rate off
'Cream! Cream' Uncle Paul called from the larder
'That alan murrays gon orf with ma cream!' 'Hes pinched in the night! Pilfered it while we sleep, stolen by moonlight, swept away before dawn,' He whined as he pawed madly, incessently at the grimy larder door
'That alan', Linda interjected, 'he steals the cream of every crop, makes it vile and rancid, he has little love for studentkind, or larders or our woes.'
She stood quietly........
musing
musing quietly
musing.......
'Hes also a knob'
Once there was a Murray,
this was a particulary Mean Mr Murray,
who lives under a bridge in the happy holylands,
one day Miserable Mr Murray peeped out his head and saw two students walking merrily homeward from a lovely lecture, discussing Emily Dickenson and Kirkegaard,
Miniscule Mr Murray had been wiley witnessing their movements on a mean monitor,
he promptly pulled himself out from under his bridge and rantly ravenously;
'Thou studentos you have no right
to learn and laugh and live all night
you are violent,putrid one and all
from culchie big to culchie small
I do not wish to hear your drawl'
So he went and built a massive wall
Built it high and higher did Murray the Mean, and soon he sat smugly on a ledge on top, looking down and down on student filth
no longer under his bridge no longer living in the holyland he felt it right to judge, though he lived among them no more
and the students went about their business, insulted, jeered and patronised by Meano Mr Murray on high.
Alan cried and Alan crowed,
the Holylands are horrible
Yet when they went to Holylands to find him, Alan wasnt there.
Alan yelled and Alan raved,
these students are terrible
Yet when they asked him who, Alan had never met any of them
Alan wailed and Alan bawled,
These Holylands are horrible
Where is Alan they said when they came to find him?
Is he on Carmel?
No
Palestine?
Hes not there either
Surely he must be on Jerusalem, Rugby or Penrose?
Yet when they came to look for him, Alan wasn't there
Surely he must be here somewhere,
he bewails and bemoans the place,surely he must live here
But He doesnt.
IF ALAN STOPPED BLOGGING......
TURNING and turning in the lack of a blog
The resident cannot hear the student;
Things fall apart; the Wineflair cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the Hat,
The beer-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is off its face;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of wherever Alan went,
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with a cheese body and the head of a man,
A gayness blank and pitiless as his sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the drunken Palestine birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony-faced bullshie
Were vexed to nightmare by a guy with too much time,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Jerusalem to be born?
There are more things in the Hatfield and the Bot, Alanio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy
Upper Sixth Student
To Uni, Or not to Uni,
That is a question;
whether 'tis nobler in the Bot to suffer
The slags and arrows of outrageous Murray,
Or to remain at home,
And, by opposing, end the fun.
To Uni, to study, no more......
NAE! NOH SUR! DON'T BE GAY!
To Uni! to study! To study perchance to drink!
Dear Alan,
My name is Ryan Brown,I have the mental age of a 6 year old and for christmas I would like you to stop being mean to students. I have been EVER so good this year and have not touched a drop of alcohol.
If you do not stop I will get my daddy and uncle paddy to come and yell at you and then you will be sad but if you dont make other sad you will not be sad.
With bumlove,
Ryan
(19)
I thought you'd left us Raoul. It's an honour to know I inspire such work.
http://hollylands-wearzon.blogspot.com/2008/11/my-annoyance-of-alan-history-of-my.html
Although I have to say you're just a Leeeetle Beet Creepy
Im going to buy the Holylands, knock it down and construct a park for Alan Murray to feed ducks at
ur gay
Alan, so are you sleeping better these days ? I lived myself in the Holyland for awhile and it was a nightmare and I moved on eventually. I'm not sure what is truth and and perception on these blog things. However I wouldn't even bother replying to so called students they are ignorant, crass, immature and in between being teenagers and adults. To be honest i have met some and getting a logical conversation out of them is rather trying. Anyway glad you moved on and don't let people bring you down just don't bite back
Oi alan Eoghann Quigg would beat your face in
So are you off the valuim and sleeping better these days or what ? I lived in the Holyland for a wile and it was a nightmare for any rational, logical person. I'd think they would agree. Students are between being a teenager and an adult so thus ignorance of youth prevails
you should just start writing what peoples saying in the room and stuff
just like random words
cos like whats he gonna do?
class
yes i'm on
damn it carl
you should start writing a short novel
chapter by chapter onto his blog
ROBOBRAIN!
robobrain...make sure you get that on
class
well fuck the lotta yese
thatll do
Alan Murray Cake
Ingredients
1 cup Bitter Old man
Two tablespoons of free time
One Large Dole Payment
A sprinkle of repressed homosexuality
Bake in the Holylands for forty five years
cut in slices
serves one- Alans ego
alan murray
al murray the pub landlord?
look the same
baldy boys
whats the difference?
Raoul Duke sent me 20 comments in the last two days. I've picked the funnier ones for publication.
I'm not going to publish Declan Boyle's personal number. That would be very very bad, at least in the eyes of the law. He used to have it on his "To Let" signs, but painted it over.
Where do we draw the line between adolescence and adulthood? It used to be that adolescence was the transition between childhood and adulthood. There is an argument that adolescence and childhood are social constructs because for most of humanity today and for most of human existence the young were expected to assume adult responsibilities. In the American civil war 14 year olds fought alongside grown men with bayonet and rifle butt. I the war of 1812 a 12 year old, David Farragutt, later hero of New Orleans and Mobile bay in the Civil War, was given command of a prize ship. A fifteen year old, Prince Hal, led thousands of knights to victory at the battle of Shrewsbury and survived an arrow buried in his face for his efforts. In the American Civil war twenty one year olds were often successful (Confederate) generals.
The notion that it takes three years to go from adolescence to adulthood is bizarre to me. These people are able to behave the way they do because they are privileged and not held to account for their actions. Clearly the primary blame lies with the parents, with the cops and universities legitimising this behaviour. They should be held to account and expected to behave like adults. There should be no more excuses. And the media should stop calling this behaviour "High Jinks"
'However I wouldn't even bother replying to so called students they are ignorant, crass, immature and in between being teenagers and adults. To be honest i have met some and getting a logical conversation out of them is rather trying.'
it seems it amateur hour in blogtown
dearest jj
who insults his opposition rather than argues rationally with them
how can you expect to have a 'logical' conversation with a stereotype you invented?
not all students are ignorant, crass blah blah that other shit you said but you are determined to hold that they are
and no matter what reasonable, logical coherent argument is offered you will grit your teeth and hold onto your idea
because it makes you feel happy and superior and intelligent
how sad to see a man make up a type of person to insult
how sad that he cannot feel good without belittling and insulting the intelligence and integrity of others
jj loves to legitimise his view of himself as an adult
the fiction of the adult thou shalt be rational and prejudiced
thou shalt hate the youth
and the golden rule
thou shalt hate and belittle what you dont understand
its harder for a person who views themselves as intellectually superior to agree that what they had is what they dont understand
resident-centric one sided bullshit
come join us jj when you make it an even field
alan runs a rigged game
stick your loaded dice up your hole
and this is raoul suck my nipples
Spite, the new fragrance from Alan Murray
awww man...you gotta publish those Alan Murray facts. They good shit dawg
how bout some real journalism since you have so much time on your hands
what about the sex offenders housed here?
surely thats more important, sexual attacks in south belfast may be being performed by them
or be others who are aware of and exploit their presence
get past your old student/resident distinction and start writing something worthwhile
ALAN MURRAY, THE PEOPLES OWN MP
You make a fair point about sex offenders being housed in the area. Because of its anonymity the Holylands has become a dumping ground for all manner of dodgy characters. There is a hostel for sex offenders and they are also housed in HMO's. A certain landlord whom I will not name (think University Avenue) is alleged to have boasted,
"There's good money in them paedo's"
If you lacked proof that markets don't work, there it is. Everything has it's market value, fuck the consequences. As Connolly put it,
"Capitalism is the morality of the pig trough"
Cram these people into houses together for profit. What does it matter if they exchange tips on how to indulge their perversions and get away with it next time. All that matters is the money. People don't count. Success in a market economy requires ever greater levels of disregard for others. Only two kinds of people behave like the "Rational Decision Maker" postulated by economists; other economists and......................psychopaths.
I don't agree that the presence of these people detracts from the implications of the Amnesty International study. Rape is clearly endemic within the student body. That fact won't go away, and it should not be allowed to go down the Memory Hole.
quoting adam curtis now?
i might have guessed
you bum man
I shouldn't feed the trolls, Raoul, but I have to say "The trap" by Adam Curtis was a fascinating and deeply flawed work. He took the neo-cons at face value rather than examine their "philosophy" such as it is. Had he done so he would have encountered their notion of the "Noble Lie" courtesy of Leo Strauss . He fell hook line and sinker for their "Public Agenda" and missed a golden opportunity to explore and expose their Hidden Agenda of injustice greed violence and tyranny.
i see so adam curtis makes enlightening documentaries about the sinister forces that control every day life
yet he is flawed and stupid and a wank for not writing a blog which gains little attention and less acclaim
adam curtis should read your piercing arguments about a little section of streets grasping tightly to the past and feel inspired, inadequate and grateful
well, where you at the meeting tonight? The old regulars where there with the same old shit
I saw the usual wanks on UTV. I also saw cops in plain clothes gathering outside, obviously there to make up the numbers. UTV showed the landlords at the back of the room looking suitably shifty and criminal. There were less than ten residents there. Guess who.
It was funny watching Gordon Douglas squirming on the panel table while Una Calvert sat there full of smug unconcern.
The UTV footage of our "Future Doctors, Lawyers and Teachers" was apt. The scum were shown rolling around drunk. I don't know how anyone believes the cops are actually gonna give out fines to these cunts.
Someone tell me please; who the fuck is Ray Farley? He looks like a fucking Shill.
Thats not recent footage from my knowledge. I was wondering why I saw so many of the regulars about earlier on. Whose the young guy with the shaved head who was talking to Farrell and was shown sitting at the front of the audience on his own? Does he have some clout? Same shit different day me thinks
I don't know who that is. I have to say I didn't get a good look at him. Any ideas?
Re: the guy that was on TV talking to Farrell et al. is Dermot Eldar.... a guy with a bigger ego than Hitler and Graham Norton put together. Think hes trying to make a name for himself as a drop out from Jordanstown who knows it all in law and politics. Knows about as much as a piece of road kill to be honest. He knows so much he knows it all and is a complete bull shitter. He flaunts about the Holyland like he owns the place and I here hes good mates with some of the landlords. Good man Dermot!!!
Treading a thin line there with those comments Alan...could amount to harrassment if the people mentioned are not public figures / community representatives
Naming a member of the public who attends a public meeting filmed by the local news? It's a bit like saying
"Was that not Joe Bloggs I saw on the TV last night?"
I think the Stasi are in enough shit as it is without digging themselves in deeper. However they are dumb, and malicious, very malicious. The RUC haven't gone away you know.
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