I see them across the street. My summer day's daze is shattered.
It begins.
“What the fuck are you lookin' at cunt!!”
“....I was just saying hello.....”
It's no use. He has the predator's stare. He's in terminal homing phase like a guided missile.
“Who the fuck are you to talk about my wife!!”
Say nothing. Match his stare.
“I'm gonna cut out your eyes and rip out your throat”
Show no fear.
“It's up to you”
We're nose to nose. I'm falling. He follows through and I know to kick up.
Kick up. Don't stay on the ground.
I'm on my feet. We're eye to eye. Katrina's screaming. He ignores her. Only his target exists.
“I'm gonna cut out your eyes and rip out your throat”
Now!
I head-butt him. He staggers. I try to punch him. He calmly steps aside and I go spinning. We carousel from one side of the street to the other, his feet hitting my eyes. I feel nothing; thuds, but no pain.
I'm on the ground. My head is hitting the pavement. And I feel no pain.
I'm on my back. I can't breathe. He has me in a neck-vice.
Pull his arms loose. Gulp air.
The vice closes.
No air.
Pull. Hit him with the back of your head.
“Can't....breathe....”
Above me Tony's watching. Through his thick lenses his piggy eyes are filled with jubilation.
No air.
Pull. Gulp air.
Roll.
I'm on my knees in a doorway.
“I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!!”
Pull. Gulp air.
“Everybody dies! Fuck you!!”
I know I'm dying.
No air.
Roll. Punch.
Katrina's screaming,
“Get my Daddy! Get my Daddy!”
No air.
Roll.
Mark is watching. He's waiting for me to die.
Roll.
Keep breaking the neck vice.
Breathe.
I see sky. His hands are round my throat and I'm punching impotently up at him. He's laughing.
Kick.
Roll.
I'm on my knees.
“I'll stop if you apologise.”
“Fuck you! I'm apologising for fuck-all!!”
It ends.
The world is spinning. I fall onto my backside.
Two girls are looking at me. They can't be more than eleven.
“Why did you not apologise when he said he would stop?”
“I don't think I have anything to apologise for.”
“I suppose you're right. It's not nice someone being a Tout”
My head's sticky. I pull my hand away and it's covered with blood. I murmur something.
“What the fuck did you say!!”
It's Bernard; her father; yesterday's Republican.
“I said my head's bleeding”
“I have no more fuckin' patience for you!!”
I stare at him.
“Stop Fuckin' Filmin' This!!”
He's storming across the street, screaming up at a window.
I see Tony. He's moved away.
“I hope you're proud of yourself Tony”
It's the least I can say.
I stagger to my feet, swaying, then collect my coat off the ground where it fell; over where it all began so long ago.
“Are you okay?”
It's a motorist. He's shocked. He's staring at me and I don't know why.
“I've had better days”
I stumble off down the entry.
Don't go to your own house. It's not safe.
Tell Suzanne.
I go to her house. Damien answers.
What does he see? He can't believe it.
“What the Fuck!! What happened??”
“Katrina's boyfriend”
“You look like someone tried to kill you”
“He did”
“You need to go to hospital”
“I need to speak to the cops”
“Get the station to call you an ambulance”
“Okay”
I turn to go and from across the street comes Karen. The colour has drained from her face.
We walk down Botanic Avenue and I pause at Clements. I have to go in. Everything stops and heads turn.
Where is Jane?
Open mouths and goggle eyes have no answer to my silent question.
She'll think I've stood her up.
Time to go.
The station has no cops. The girl behind the desk calls an ambulance. She gets water. My hands are staining the glass with blood. There's something on my tongue. I pull it off. It's a slice of tooth.
The ambulance comes.
“That's a nasty head wound. You need that X-Rayed and stapled. You've got concussion. You could have a closed head injury. You need to go to hospital.”
The cops arrive. There's a flood of them.
“We need to talk to him”
The paramedics leave.
We go into a small room. There are two seats. I take one while they stand.
Good Cop speaks,
“You got a couple of digs in”
“That's nice to know”
“You've been harassing Katrina O'Neill”
It's bad cop. She's short, English and very hostile.
“What?”
“We want to talk to you about these incidents”
“Incidents?”
“You intimidated her at a residents' meeting and then there's this latest incident on the Ormeau Road”
“What?”
“You stared at her”
“What?”
“Outside the Ormeau Bakery”
“We passed in a walkway”
“You stared at her”
“What about the meeting?”
“You intimidated her”
I look at Robin, the sergeant in the corner in the boiler suit.
“You were there. Did you see any intimidation?”
“It was a hell of a row”
“But did you see any intimidation?”
“We weren't there for all of it”
“But you were in the building”
“Yes”
“Was it reported to you then?”
“No”
The wall's cracking. The English one counter-attacks.
“We're going to caution you. She doesn't want you writing about her on the internet”
“She's a public figure”
“It doesn't matter. Politicians have prosecuted people for writing about them. It's harassment.”
Someone's coming and going.
How many are there? Five? Six?
I'm losing count. Another one speaks,
“Will I do it?”
“Yeah”
“Alan Murray, I'm cautioning you for the offence of harassment against Katrina O'Neill. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention .......................”
It's not a dream.
"Do you have anything you wish to say?"
"I think this is absurd"
“You are entitled to a legal representative. Do you wish one to be present now?”
“I have concussion. I need medical attention. I came here to report an assault”
“You don't want to do that. She has six witnesses who all say you started it. You attacked her boyfriend Declan Martin. And you threatened to burn her house down with her and the kids in it. "
"Is she pressing charges?"
"No"
"Why not? if someone threatened to burn your house down with you and your kids in it would you not want to press charges?"
No answer.
"I want him prosecuted."
"You'll lose. Then she can take civil action against you. I know it's not fair, but, there you go"
“I'll take legal advice. Can I go to hospital now?”
They take me to the City.
**********************
“What!!!???”
Even a doctor's shocked at the sight of me. He takes an inventory of my injuries then goes away while a nurse bathes my wounds with saline. I like her. She admires my freshly broken nose.
************************
He's back.
“There's no skull fracture. The X-Rays are clear, but we need to staple that head wound.”
By the end my teeth are gritting. Pain has returned to me.
He leaves me in the care of the nurse. She comes and goes as I wait out the necessary few hours of observation.
**********************
“Will you be okay to go home?”
“I don't know if the house will still be there”
I'm good to go.
***********************
“Jesus!!!!!”
Suzanne's shocked. We're on my doorstep.
“You look like a bare knuckle boxer beat you!!!”
Little did we know, he is.
*****************
Looking back it's like a dream. Time does that to you. You never forget. You constantly replay it in your head; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. To fight for your life, knowing you're going to die is, they say, the most damaging of experiences. Yet I would change nothing. It would have been a good death. There is honour in such things.
The executioner will come again. I am ready to die.